4月3日 巴不得你知道

巴不得你在这日子知道关系你平安的事。无奈这事现在是隐藏的，叫你的眼看不出来。（路十九42）

耶稣威武地进入耶路撒冷，合城都震动了；可是，有一个怪异的神袛在那里，就是骄傲的法利赛主义；表面是敬虔公正，却是“粉饰的坟墓”。在我的年日里，令我瞎了眼的究竟是什么呢？我有了一个外邦的神袛？我所指的并不是丑恶的怪物，乃是辖制我的性情。神曾经三番四次使我面对这个外邦的神袛；我知道要降服神，把它弃掉，却始终没有付诸实行。我咬紧牙龈要冲过难关，却仍然受制于这古怪的神明。我看不见使我平安的事。我们可以一方面让圣灵毫无拦阻地得着，而另一方面却在神面前不断责备自己，这实在是一件可怕的事。

“巴不得你知道”——神在耶稣的眼泪里，直接摸着人的心。这话表示罪有应得；我们看不清的事，神要我们承担责任。“这事现在是隐藏的，叫你的眼看不出来”——是因为我们未曾降服。那“早该如此！”是多么悲惨绝伦呀！神关了的门，就永不再开。但他开了其他的门，并提醒我们有些门是我们关的，有些门则不需要关。我们的想像力千万不要迟钝才好。当神把旧事重提，我们不必惧怕，让回忆过去吧！它是神的用人，要责备、管教和追悔。神会把那“早该如此”，变成未来的优良教育。

祈祷◆主啊，对于要选择的方向，我仍感模糊；这个决定已远超越我的判断能力。我并非对你怀疑，只是，眼前的一切却是那样全然隐蔽。

April 3 If Thou Hadst Known!

“If thou hadst known . . . in this thy day, the things which belong unto thy peace! but now they are hid from thine eyes.” Luke 19:42

Jesus had entered into Jerusalem in triumph, the city was stirred to its foundations; but a strange god was there, the pride of Pharisaism; it was religious and upright, but a “whited sepulchre.”

What is it that blinds me in this “my day”? Have I a strange god – not a disgusting monster, but a disposition that rules me? More than once God has brought me face to face with the strange god and I thought I should have to yield, but I did not do it. I got through the crisis by the skin of my teeth and I find myself in the possession of the strange god still; I am blind to the things which belong to my peace. It is an appalling thing that we can be in the place where the Spirit of God should be getting at us unhinderedly, and yet increase our condemnation in God’s sight.

“If thou hadst known” – God goes direct to the heart, with the tears of Jesus behind. These words imply culpable responsibility; God holds us responsible for what we do not see. “Now they are hid from thine eyes” – because the disposition has never been yielded. The unfathomable sadness of the “might have been!” God never opens doors that have been closed. He opens other doors, but He reminds us that there are doors which we have shut, doors which need never have been shut, imaginations which need never have been sullied. Never be afraid when God brings back the past. Let memory have its way. It is a minister of God with its rebuke and chastisement and sorrow. God will turn the “might have been” into a wonderful culture for the future.